I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
