My friends, they love my intelligence
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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