omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
