Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
