This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am naked and annoyed.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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