I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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