Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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