There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
