Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
