If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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