Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
