I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
