So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
