You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
