Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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