Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
