Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
