I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
