my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
