i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
