DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
