best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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