man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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