God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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