Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
