That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
