I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
