3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I would fuck him just for his dog
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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