I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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