In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
