i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
