Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
