Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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