I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
