Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I want her autograph on my taint
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
