His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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