I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
