did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
