And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
