And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
