Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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