normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
