Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
