It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
