Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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