dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
