I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
