If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
