shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Are we still banned from the library?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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