Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You're like the curious george of whores
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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