I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
