Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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