She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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