he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
