I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
