I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
