One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
